When it comes to dating disasters, do you ever wonder, “What went wrong?” or “Why did he break up with me?”
The truth is, most often women don’t know why things fell apart– because they unknowingly played a role in it. Fortunately, David Good, a former “Bachelorette” contestant and winner of the reality TV show “Bachelor Pad”, has the answers. An expert on dating do’s and don’ts, Good is helping women get inside the minds of men in his book “The Man Code: A Woman’s Guide to Cracking the Tough Guy.”
“In short, ‘The Man Code’ is about insisting on a man who exhibits pride, chivalry, and respect. It’s also about finding true happiness with a guy who’s a man among men,” says Good.
Good thinks every woman should look for a Man Code man, “They are a little rough around the edges but are honest and straight forward and will treat a woman with respect and treat them like their queen once they decide to make that commitment. It’s about honesty and earning a man code man’s trust. Once you get that, you are theirs and they want everyone to know it.”
So, how can women avoid losing a “Man Code” type of guy? According to Good, there are some specific things that women do to push great guys away. This list is not just based on his own experience, but feedback he’s received from other men.
Six Things Women Do To Push Men Away are:
Wanting a Man to Change
Many women get in a relationship thinking they can change the man. If a man makes a change for a relationship, the benefit must outweigh the consequences of that change. “I get it: You don’t want anything to make me as happy as you do. But if you’re willing to chase this result by eliminating everything else I might love from my life, then I don’t want you”, says Good.
An Overwrought Sense of Urgency
“Man Code” men liken romance to playing poker. “It’s better to conserve emotion for only the most meaningful circumstances,” Good says. While men pay attention to overall themes, women tend to sweat the small stuff. He wants women to know that ulterior motives are not a Man Code man thing to play at, if he’s out late with his friends, he’s just out late with his friends.
Sex on the First Date
Unfortunate but true, the “Man Code” man is chivalrous but also “red-blooded and carnal” like most guys. If a woman offers sex on the first, any man will probably take her up on that. A woman that can walk away with a goodnight kiss and leave the man guessing appeals much more to men. They like the thrill of a chase.
Talking Things to Death
According to Good, women need to think of love as “quiet.” In other words, it’s what you do when no one is looking, how you find their hand when things are bad and tell them it’s okay. If you hear “I love you” constantly it loses it’s value. “Love is the result of the events in our lives, not the result of talking about the idea of it,” assures Good.
Loyalty is everything, it is the currency of our lives, declares Good. When women are disloyal to other women, it tells the man they will be disloyal to them, too.
A Failure to Let a Lion be a Lion
In the same way that a women wants to feel taken care of and protected, a man wants to know he’s the one that made her feel that way. Good explains, “With a look or word, you can empower us.”
Good has one powerful piece of advice for women: Don’t forget why your man fell for you. Woman AND men seem to stop doing the little things they did at the beginning of a relationship that made it fun. Think back and try doing some of the little things you “used” to do for him.